Eat

 I wish I could find something to eat.

Something to nourish me back to health.

Because all I’ve been eating is chocolate and yogurt

And one of these things cancels out the other in a way

Only my stomach and my mind can imagine.

I wish I could find something to eat;

Something that made me feel better on the inside 

So that I can do things outside.

Something that would keep me from eating away at myself

Like I often try to do when I can find nothing else 

In the fridge to snack on.

I wish I could make a meal the way I can make myself sick.

I wish there was a way to provide my body with what’s healthy for it

Without having to lift a finger or spend any money.

Because at the end of the day, it’s not just food that I refuse to provide;

It’s the promise that I’m taking care of what is mine and that I’m 

Trying to make things better because I’m not.

Is the rest of my existence truly aimed at providing for myself 

When I want to do nothing of the sort?

I wish I didn’t have to eat.

I wish I didn’t have to provide.

I wish I could live off the salt from my tears and the heat from my cheeks

As I cry myself to sleep for the third time this week. 

I wish I could provide my body with sustenance from the 

Anger I feel daily and from the sadness that seems to 

Swallow me whole.

I wish I had no body to provide food for so that I could 

Selfishly live alone not leaving the house, not cooking, not finding a way to 

Make myself better.

I wish…I didn’t have to eat.

It would make things just

So. Much. Easier.